No offense. But you're kinda messing up my office.

I love being a stay-at-home mom.

I've held a variety of jobs since high school from manicurist to bookstore manager but this, by far, has been my favorite. This is where I belong.

I know how fortunate I am and I don’t take it for granted. My husband, Matt, works very hard to provide this lifestyle and I often tell him how much I love and appreciate him for all he does.

That being said…

I have a system. It works. Don’t mess with it.

Our daily routine is something of a well-choreographed ballet that has taken years to perfect. So when a dancer comes flying out onto the stage with very little warning, hasn't been to rehearsals, arms flailing, improvising, and running into other dancers, well, the director can get a little testy.

Matt’s on vacation this week.

I stepped on and/or ran into him in the kitchen on Friday morning no less than 417 times in five minutes.

“Sorry!”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“Am I in the way?”

“No.” (Yes.)

“Sorry.”

“That’s okay. You’re just not used to what we've got going on here.”

“Can I help?”

“Nope! I’m all set.”

“Can I get the kids in the car?”

“Sure. Kids? Daddy’s going to get you in the car!”

The kiddos climb in while I gather my purse and keys. Matt’s lingering around the driver’s side. I look at him and laugh because he shrugs, jokingly defeated, and heads for the passenger side. 

We've been married a long time.

So I don’t even get out of the driveway and he’s already in the “brace for a crash” position.

“Really? What are you doing?”

“You make me nervous.”

“You make me nervous!”

We get Nathan safely to school (imagine that!) and head over to the preschool to drop off Anna. She also arrives safely (2 for 2!) and we start to head out of the parking lot when I see a friend and roll down my window to say hi. She asks if Matt is on vacation and we both say “yes” in two completely different tones. She gives me a smile that says “solidarity sistah!” and off we go to run some errands, all the while with poor Matt still a prisoner in the passenger seat as we, apparently, careen out of control down the road at 45 mph in our silver Town & Country.

We get home and I start my daily routine of cleaning up the kitchen, starting laundry, straightening the bathrooms and making the beds. Matt then utters the words that every wife longs to hear when her husband is on vacation…

“I’m bored.”

I now have beautiful, freshly painted bathroom cabinets.

That afternoon, I was talking to another girlfriend on the phone and I mentioned that Matt was on vacation. She said, “Oh, really? Mine’s home today, too. I left.”

There should be a dad’s vacation support group.

In all seriousness, he actually picked a wonderful week to be on vacation. It’s Thanksgiving break so the kids are home all week which means mommy’s routine can relax a bit and daddy is an extra set of hands. There’s nothing the kids love more than playing with their dad and vice versa.

Matt, honey? I really do hope you enjoy your vacation. You deserve it.

And you’re welcome to crash our ballet anytime…

Thrifty is Nifty! or "How to draw attention to yourself at Goodwill."

 Some of my girlfriends and I have decided that we’d like to be Amish, kind of. We like our iPhones and cute shoes and I’m all about electricity but, dang it, we’re going to Goodwill! We’re going to be thrifty!

Kellie called me up tonight and was all, “Hey! I’m gettin’ my Amish on! Can you meet me?” I was just cleaning up after dinner and was getting ready to put my daughter in the bathtub so I said, “I can’t tonight I have to *fill in 5 excuses.*” My husband looked at me and said, “What do you want to do? Go! I got it covered.” 

Ooo! I love it when he does that!

So, I grab my purse and head to Goodwill to meet my Amish friend.

When I arrive, I see her standing there with her horse and buggy (read: blue shopping cart) and she immediately holds up a light pink Banana Republic shirt and says, “This is perfect for you! And if you don’t like it then it’s perfect for me. It’s $3.”

I fasten my bonnet and we get to work.

I have to tell you, if you’re not a thrift store shopper, just do it for the ab workout. I wasn’t in there 10 minutes and we were laughing so hard I was pretty sure I was either going to (a) be kicked out of the store or (b) pee my pants. Or (a) because of (b.)

We saw everything from shoulder pads to mom jeans and the coveted Ugly Christmas Sweater. Oh yes. I found the Grand Poobah of ridiculous Christmas garment catastrophe. And I bought it. Behold…

                                             

We’re throwing an UCS party for our MOMS group. This is my $4 treasure. My husband would also like to wear it on Christmas Eve. 

See how thrifty?

But I did actually find a super cutie cute knit dress that will look fantastic with leggings and boots for $6. It was right next to a garbage bag with rhinestones and velour trim.

As I was pawing through another rack, I heard a voice behind me say, “Finding anything good in there?” Yay! It was Renee! Bargain and thrift store shopper extraordinaire. Renee makes the rounds every week. 

She admits addiction. 

We forgive her.

In the end, I spent $10 for a great little dress, a heinous Christmas sweater and sore abdominal muscles.

Kellie spent $24 on a buggy full of fun stuff including the perfect-for-me pink Banana Republic shirt.

I urge you, ladies, to grab your girls, head to the nearest thrift store and laugh until you cry. I came home in the best mood, which put my husband in a good mood, which made the whole house happy. 

See how that works?

I love the Amish.