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Tuesday, April 1, 2014

We're *that* house...

It was beautiful yesterday. After a long winter of negative degree temperatures and howling winds, a lovely and sunny 60+ degree day is just what we needed. One of my favorite things to do when it gets even remotely warm-ish outside is to open the windows and that’s just what I did. Birds singing, breeze blowing, 6 month old dust being stirred up and thrown about my home. It was all I could do not to dance around in my long skirt and apron singing “the hills are aliiiive with the sound of muuusiiiiccc.”
It was grand because we all knew it wasn’t going to last and we took great advantage of the fleeting glimpse into the elusive season (elusive around here, anyway) known as Spring.

My kids were enjoying this weather to the fullest playing baseball and jump rope and hopscotch and riding their bikes and anything else they could use as an excuse to stay outside. It was sweet music to hear the smack of the bat against the ball, the rhythmic tat-tat-tat of the jump rope on the driveway. So, in my delusional utopia of peace I decided to slip inside and finish folding a basket of laundry.
(*Here’s where I ask you not to judge me. I enjoy folding laundry.)
About 3 and a half minutes into it I hear, “ANNA!!! KNOCK IT OFF!” Then a scream. Then, “NATHAN! GIVE IT BACK!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!” I drop my head and sigh in the defeated mom stance that we have all done at one time or another…or every day…and met my wild-eyed, rabid badgers at the back door. The conversation went as follows:

Mom: “What.”

Anna and Nathan: “HesaidIshetriedtouseheneverletsmethenshescreamedandthenhetookmy..”

Mom:  (Not quietly) “ENOUGH!!!!!! Good NIGHT, you guys!! IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY AND THE SUN IS SHINING, SOMETHING THAT HASN’T HAPPENED SINCE LAST SEPTEMBER AND I COME INSIDE FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF FOUR SECONDS AND YOU START FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE NICE TO EACH OTHER??? YOU JUST GOT NEW SHIRTS FROM SCHOOL THAT SAY “BE NICE” ON THEM AND YOU TWO CAN’T BE NICE TO SAVE YOUR LIVES!!! I’M TELLING SANTA!!!! I’M ALSO GONNA MAKE YOU TWO HOLD HANDS IF YOU DON’T START GETTING ALONG!!! STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER!!!!!!” (Yes. I yelled at my children to stop yelling.)

They both looked at me like I just grew an extra appendage before their very eyes and said, “sorry, mom” then went back outside. I exhaled and went back to folding laundry only to look up and notice, oh that’s right, my windows are open. And there go some of my neighbors walking by. Outstanding.

I wanted to run outside and explain my situation. To make them understand that I’m not a lunatic that screams at her kids (even though I probably am.) I’m just a mom that didn’t want her peaceful afternoon defiled by fighting children and arguing. But then I decided to do something more fun. I decided to post an abbreviated version of this scenario on facebook and you know what I got? Solidarity. Moms (and dads) who’ve all been there. No one judged. No one scolded. In fact, it made people laugh. My neighbor, Jodi, even told me that the police were called to her house one night by some passersby because her son was screaming so loudly and throwing such a fit that they thought he was being hurt. Nope. Turns out mom was just trying to get her son to brush his teeth. She added, “As it turns out, cops don’t assist with teeth brushing. But 2 cop cars in the driveway and 3 officers in the house did, in fact, bring an end to the tantrum.”
Everyone can relate to this stuff. It’s real life. Not this “I’m pretending everything is perfect” garbage that everyone rolls their eyes at. So next time you find yourself in a situation where you are embarrassed because you let reality show, don’t beat yourself up too badly. It happens to all of us.

You’re normal.