Let me start off by making
it clear that I am in no way a perfect parent. I make daily mistakes and lose
my temper and sometimes we have sandwiches for dinner. However, now that both
of my kids are in school full time I have the luxury of going to the grocery
store and Target all by myself and, therefore, am able to critique the
parenting techniques of other moms with their carts weighted down with small
children and diaper bags in the hopes that I can pass on my knowledge of
remembering when I was at that stage of trying to be the perfect parent and
realizing that no amount of “faking it for others” will ever get you there.
All that being said, there
are those moms that I run across every so often that make me roll my eyes so
far back in my head I’m afraid they will never go back to normal.
With that, here are my “Top
5 Parenting Techniques That Should Require Intervention (From a self-proclaimed
non-expert.)
1. Asking your
child “Okaaaaay?” after telling them they shouldn’t do something.
This
irritates me to the point of seizure. I was just at Target (I know. We’re all
so surprised.) and this young mom (in her mid-late 20s) was pushing her cart
with her 18 month old-ish baby in the front and her son “Jay-krrrs” was sitting
under the cart with his feet out front “pulling” the cart around the
store. I heard mom coming from 40 feet away loudly stating to “Jay-krrs” that he
didn’t need underpants-es right now. That he could wait-y wait until his
birthday. Folks, it was like fricking shopping with Caillou. Then I heard mom
say, “Jay-krrrrrrs, don’t pull “her” over therrrre. Mommy said noOOooo.
Jay-krrs? What did Mama saaaay? Please-y please don’t pull her over there,
Okaaaaayyy?”
I
looked down at Jay-krrrrrrrrs and he really couldn’t have cared less what Mama
just said. Why? Because he was just asked (and this probably happens with
Jay-kers all the time…and most likely with baby sister “her” in the future) if
it was alright with him if he didn’t listen to Mommy.
*Tip:
Try replacing your sing-songy “Okaaaaaay???” with a no nonsense “Do you
understand?”
2. Never
getting to 3.
This
also makes me insane. Have you ever been around parents who threaten their
children by counting but never actually make it past 2?
“Johnny,
mommy said no! 1…..2…..Johnny ooooone! JOHNNY!! Oooone, twwwwooooooo…Johnny!
Oh
my stars, Mom, really? Why would Johnny stop? You’re not scary!
*Tip:
GET TO 3!!! When I got to 3 my kids knew it was ON. And you know what? I only
had to get to 3 a few times. Have a consequence ready and be prepared to use
it. No matter where you are.
3. “If you don’t
knock it off, you’re NOT getting a treat!!!.....What treat would you like even
though I’m hoarse?
How
many times have we seen this? You’ve witnessed mom yelling and scolding
throughout the entire store. She’s threatened “no candy when we’re done if you
don’t stop misbehaving!!!” You end up in
line behind her (or near her) only to see that she’s assisting her kids with
their candy selection.
I’m
sorry “whaaaaaaat?”
*Tip:
Let your NO be NO! You warned them, they didn’t listen, they leave empty
handed. Period. They’ll remember next time. Try it.
4. Giggling and
smiling when your child is terrorizing everyone in the store or restaurant or
airplane or movie theatre because you think they’re so cute!
Nu-uh!
They’re not. No one likes their seat kicked. It’s not cute when your child does
cartwheels down aisle 7. It’s obnoxious to let them play on your iPhone while
the rest of us are trying to watch The Hunger Games. And letting them run around
and in between tables playing hide and seek at the restaurant is most decidedly
not adorable.
*Tip:
Pull your head out and have some consideration for others.
5. Parents that
let their children talk down to or insult them.
This
is just terrifying. Not often (thank goodness!) but on occasion, I’ll hear a
child tell mom, “Get me that!” or “Do it now!” and the worst one I’ve heard, “I
said I want it, Dummy!” I’m pretty sure there was more going on in
these situations than I care to address here but let’s start with the two that
come to my mind. Either, dad or “someone” is talking this way to mom and this
is her normal to just let it happen or maybe junior never gets told “No”
because “we don’t want our kids to hear “no” all the time.”
*Tip:
If it’s the former, please find help. This is not okay.
If
it’s the latter, please go retrieve your dignity out of Junior’s toy box and
teach him about life after 5 years old. You’re bound to hear “no” on occasion.
So there you go. This post
may have been PMS induced, however, probably not.
Just remember that your
children are not stupid. Talking to them like you just had a glass of helium is
not the way to raise confident, self-sufficient children. They’re intelligent
little buggers. Treat them like it. Being intelligent also means they pick up
on things very quickly. It only takes
a couple of times for them to realize mom’s a push-over. Don’t be a push-over because
that habit can be very hard to break. And here’s one last thing to take with
you…A preschooler that runs the house will quickly turn into a teenager that
runs the house. If that doesn’t scare you into out-stubborning your child then
I don’t know what will.
